A strange delirium begins

This post was originally written on November 4, 2012
but it got deleted by accident today, so I was able to find it
and re-post it - but reflects todas date instead

This is continued from here 

After sleeping and on about the 3^rd day after fixing the “major” computer issues on May 20, 2009, my husband was acting a little odd which included the following statements:

“Don’t worry hun, when I execute our suicide pact, I’ll take them (two particular people) out first.”, "I'll take care of everything"

I had no idea what he was talking about, no clue.

Shocked at what he just said, I asked him to repeat what he said, he then paused, then said:

“I’m just kidding”.

He continued with:

"Why do you suppose my wife hates me so much?"

"Why is my marriage so unhealthy?"

"Why am I hated by my family when I try so hard to be a good Dad?"

"What am I doing wrong?"

I told my husband none of this was true, I said "Hun, you know better than that, what's wrong?" When I asked him where "this" was coming from, he said

"I don't know"

Little did I know, my husband was sincerely struggling with these hurtful thoughts for some strange reason.

By approximately May 26, 2009 my husband began making more odd statements about his wife and kids hating him and using him for his money, and said:

"I'm nothing more than a work horse and slave to my own family" and "My marriage is so unhealthy, you guys all use me for my money"

He began to experience extremely frightening hallucinations, but refused to get any medical help no matter how I pleaded with him.

He said that he was sick in a way that no doctor could help him and made me promise him I would not forget about his life insurance policy.

He said: “don’t piss through it”, “I got that for you and the kids in the event something should ever happen to me”, "make sure you get a financial advisor"

As the days went on, his behavior was increasingly becoming worse, but would fade in and out. Another words, he would be so different and odd and just as quickly return to normal, but later he would not remember being extremely odd.

The times that he was normal, it made everything he said or did that was so odd, not seem so peculiar after all, until he began experiencing spontaneous rage episodes and continually stated that his marriage in particular, was very unhealthy and that he believed he was having a nervous break-down.

My husband literally said:

"Hun, when I end up in a wheel chair, drooling on myself, will you be there to take care of me and wipe the drool from my face, or will you take the kids and leave me?"

This was how convinced he was that something serious was happening to him, and when we began to really argue and fight because I couldn't understand what or why he was going through what he was going through and because he wouldn't get any help.

Again, hind sight is 20/20, what I did not realize was that he was suffering from a sudden delirium or psychosis.

At one point and despite that we had just recently moved into our new home,
he told me to find us a house in a different town ASAP, as if he were afraid of something or wanted to flee from something.
No matter what I said, he refused to go to the doctor, almost as if he were scared to, and when normal, he would say; “hun, don’t worry, everything will be fine”.

By early-June 2009 my husband had at times, begun to become detached and distant and his back & forth behavior became much more frequent. But for the times that he seemed normal, everything would go back to the way it always was, and there didn’t seem any cause for alarm … until the next episode.
The rage episodes that my husband was experiencing were becoming frighteningly alarming.
There was never any cause for them, as they occurred literally out of nowhere.
If you knew my husband, he was not aggressive, he was not combative, he was certainly not the kind of person that liked to fight.

He would instead rationalize.

Don’t get me wrong, he liked to push buttons sometimes when aggravated, but he was not in any sense of the word a “fighter”.

On this particular night, my husband experienced a rage episode like no other.
I have never seen my husband in this kind of state before … ever.

This was not an argument, this was not a reaction to being aggravated by anything, this was literally out of nowhere and scared me so much that I couldn’t stop my body from shaking, my heart from pounding or the tears that rolled down my cheeks.

This was NOT my husband.

Upon going to bed, he called for me as he always did to fill his pitcher of water and to kiss me goodnight (I sometimes stayed up later than him to make sure the kids were all tucked in sleeping and the house was all locked up)

I brought him his filled pitcher of water, tucked him in, kissed him goodnight and put a cross on his head (a practice all of us did to each other) and he shut the light off from the lamp on his bedside table. Stumbling around in the dark, I reached the bedroom door where the light switch was. Thinking he was joking with me by shutting the light off before I had a chance to leave the room, I turned the light on from the wall.

What seemed like a split second, my husband dove across the king size bed and into my face as I slammed up against the wall from fear, with a clenched fist an inch from my face and his body just as close, my husband said;

“Get the fXXX out of my bedroom before you regret what I’ll do to you, get the Fxxx out now or I’m going to kill you right where you stand”

When he saw me cry and with a crazed look in his eyes, he said;

“Yeah, cry now bitch, just get the Fxxx out before I kill you”I don’t know if I was more shocked or scared.
When I left the bedroom, not knowing what to do, I curled up onto the couch, and eventually fell asleep crying.

The next morning, with the kids off to school and still scared, I approached my husband hesitantly to try and talk about what had happened the night before.

He was hurt that I was nervous to talk to him, didn’t understand why, and said;

“I don’t understand why you guys hate me so much, everything I’ve ever done has been for my family, and you guys act like I’m some kind of monster”.

He then continued with;

I’m afraid to come home, I get butterflies in my stomach not knowing what I’m going to face”, as if I'd ever do something like to you, are you tying to drive me crazy?"

To me, this was nuts! He has butterflies in his stomach?

What the hell is wrong with my husband, where is this shit coming from I thought.
He had zero memory of his rage episode from the night before and he feverishly denied it!

My husband refused to go to the doctor, he began to become suspicious of me & somewhat paranoid, somehow thinking that I was really trying to drive him crazy. He did not believe that he was havin these, what I called "rage episodes".

On June 17, 2009 My husband experienced one final rage episode. He was totally freaked out, was screaming at me, swearing at me, doing circles in the living room before heading down the hallway to our bedroom.

BTW, this was spurred by a seizure my daughter was having upon he return home from Mass General. The seizures never did before, he always helped our daughter with them.
Fome reason he just repeatedly screamed at me to "get away from her, walk fxxxx away!"

I helped our daughter waited a few minutes, and noticed he was quiet. I could hear him on his laptop while he was laying on our bed. I went in to talk to him. I told him that he needed to go to a doctor, and that we couldn’t live this way anymore.
He shut his lap top, turned on to his right side to face me, he looked at me and said;

“You need to leave”, “You make our marriage and our family unhealthy”, “leave the kids with me, leave the truck, take the intrepid and go stay at your mother’s apartment”

Of course I’m not going to leave. I would never leave my kids first of all, but secondly,
it was clear something was wrong with my husband. I did not know what it was that was wrong, I only knew “something” was wrong.

When I refused to leave and insisted he give me some answers and to get help he said;

“You wouldn’t understand, you already think I’m crazy”

He continued;

“An angel came to me and told me that we can’t be together”,

"Our marriage and our family are very unhealthy,”

“I need to take the kids and be in a healthy relationship”,

“ I have no choice”, “it’s already been done”, “My hands are tied”

“There is nothing I can do”.

I pleaded with my husband to get some help, he refused.
He promised me that he would consider it, but on June 20, 2009
upon getting home, my husband whizzed through the house packing his things
in trash bags as quickly as he could and he moved out.

Upon leaving, my husband with a blank stare in his eyes said;

"It's too late, not all stories end with happy endings".

My husband wouldn’t have much contact with me at all, he wouldn't speak to me, he wouldn’t respond to my emails, texts, he wouldn't let me in his office (where he was staying briefly) … nothing. I was in a tizzy, panicking and lost.

On July 1, 2009 I received this from my husband ...

 Close up

 

Update my records?
Sorry for the inconvenience?
Thanks?

~ Is this not bazzar?

I'm thinking; HELLLLOWW, is this a joke?, you just left me and the kids because an angel told you to. How about telling me whats going on, what about our family, what about our marriage, how about apologizing for that?

Of course I know now, he was completely out of his mind at this point and now I know why, but I didn't when it was happening.

If you remember in my previous post, I demonstrated that on May 20, 2009 (1 month earlier) I jotted down the date & time of a very odd call that we received and that I played back on our answering machine that appeared to be from my husband, but I wasn’t sure. I wrote the date and time down to look for it on the phone bill to see who it really was.

By the time the phone bill came in my husband had already moved out.

But, the calls were in fact from him

(I’ll explain this later because it is significant)

Answers begin to emerge

A NH Horror Story

Three years ago, our family experienced an emotional torment, a horror we now live with every single day. At the time, we were all unaware that this nightmare had been in the making eight months earlier at the hands of two people using knowledge from a different culture, while presenting a very different face to people they come in contact with everyday, people like you and me.

Part of what made this nightmare worse, was that no one could help us due to the nature of what was involved;

1. Our society is ignorant (no disrespect intended) to its existence
2. Our society has a tendency to somehow believe that if its “unheard of” it doesn’t exist
3. Our society lacks the knowledge and traditions of this particular culture

… making all of us vulnerable

I found out through extensive research in trying to get help for my husband and for my family that this "knowledge" is a secret that is intentionally being used against you and me and the purpose of this blog and my advocacy is to educate you so your family does not have to go through the hell that we live every single day ...

This was our family before our nightmare began …

My husband and I had been married for close to 30 years. We had “strong roots” as my husband would always say.

We met iwhen I was 14 and he at 17 both as dishwashers at a tiny diner called Joe’s Restaurant and we married when I was 17.

Together we created five beautiful, healthy children and resided in New Hampshire.

My husband being raised strict catholic and attending catholic schools his entire life, built our family life and our marriage around Jesus, church, catholic schools and home schooling for the kids, helping those who need help, learning how to recognize, stay away from and if needed … conquer evil, if in the event any of us were ever confronted by it and he taught all of us to be “free thinkers”, “think out of the box” type of people and to lead instead of being led.

My husband always made sure the kids and I had everything we needed, held our family and our marriage very high and made sure everyone knew how important we were to him and how close we all were: “strong roots”.

After his mother passed away unexpectedly in 2000, my husband and I wanted to buy a larger home that had expansive land. My husband wanted to dabble in “developing”.
In order to find what we wanted, we had to head a little north.

In 2001 our broker showed us a listing for a 50 acre farm house.

Despite my reluctance to even see it, because the square footage of the home (of which I did not know didn't include the finished basement) did not seem to “fit” what we were originally looking for, I agreed to go view the home anyway.

The home was quite charming, set high up on a hill and I instantly fell in love with it and boy, so did my husband.

The main house was built in 1926 but was completely renovated and included high end appliances and beautiful hardwood floors.
Additionally the property included the original house, built in the 1700’s of which was tiny to say the least and used primarily for garden storage. The property also had a 3 story barn, an additional barn with a loft and an in-ground, heated pool and was almost completely surrounded by stone walls and apple orchards.

It didn’t take too long for us to decide after seeing it, that it was perfect for our large family, so a few weeks later in August, after we made an offer, we closed on it and moved in.

My husband’s computer job made it possible for him to work from home most of the time, so things were looking pretty damn good for the seven of us

A few years after moving in, we decided to subdivide some of the land, as we had a ton of frontage on the two roads that boxed the home in and we made a nice little profit.

After living there for some time, we decided not to subdivide any additional land. We got used to having our privacy, the feel of the farm and thoroughly enjoyed the quietness and … the expansive land, so we added a basketball court for the kids, as most of them loved and played basketball and despite being asked by passerby's to sell pieces of land, we chose not to.

Instead, we wanted to own a family operated business and after going back and forth about it for 2 years, in 2006 with a huge leap of faith we opened a computer business. My husband had years and years of computer experience and it was kind of a no brainer. I envisioned something more on the lines of a pizza place or coffee shop, but the money ... the money we needed to support our lifestyle, was realistically in computers.

At that time, our kids were also taking Karate classes and attending private schools. Our business was very slow to get started until our friend at the time, who was our kids Karate instructor actually helped us out and got my husband two of our biggest clients, and shortly after, my husband decided to quit his regular job to focus on our computer business. Wow!, now we were an “official”  business.

The business was going pretty well for a couple of years as we gained clients usually through word of mouth, stemming from those original two “big clients”, when in 2008 something began to profoundly change.

It started in July 2008 when we got a small cluster of non-profit clients interested in our computer services, all within a couple of weeks.
Shortly after, we had signed with a few of them to provide our services to.

Within a short period of time, my husband began coming home with “pills” in his pockets.

There were two “types” of pills, some were unpackaged, white and oblong and the others were packaged as OTC allergy pills were often packaged (on a sheet) but torn off in singles.

My husband would literally take them out of his pockets (about 5 or 6 at a time) and pile them on our bureau.

He told me they were sleeping pills and allergy pills and he told me he got them from a woman “Shamanic Healing Practitioner” who worked for one of his non-profit clients.

Of course I had an issue with this and expressed my concern to him (we argued a few times) about taking these pills from a stranger and he would reply;

“Hun, what reason would she have to hurt me?”

He then said;
“She’s a healing practitioner that just opened her own healing practice, don’t worry, she’s just trying to help me”

I had no idea what the significance would later be of this Shamanic Healer or of what her sinister actions would be for my husband and our family, only 8 months later.

My husband told me that she instructed him to take these pills together.

These pills were a big issue for me but I trusted my husband’s judgment and noticed
many of the pills piled on our bureau, somehow indicating to me he may not have been taking many of them.

Nevertheless, I told my husband that he should keep a professional working relationship with the office personnel of his business clients and not get too chummy with them, let alone take pills from them.

To know my husband, let me share with you some of his personality;
if he saw a woman or elderly woman on the side of the road with a flat tire, he'd stop and help, if he saw someone hurting someone else, he'd stop and help, if he saw someone struggling with something, he'd stop and help, if he saw an elderly woman shoveling her driveway or steps, he would stop and do it for her, he always made sure people spoke to me and the kids, and treated us all with respect, his older brother had financial issues, he'd help his brother financially, at Christmas time, every year he'd make sure that the kids would take a  couple of stars from the Christmas tree at church and we'd take them shopping to buy toys and clothes for whom the stars were for.

Our last Christmas together, unknown to us at the time would be December 25, 2008.We went to get our Christmas tree, normally we would take the kids and go cut our own, but because he was so busy, we went and picked one out from a man selling them.

The joke in the family is that I always took hours to find the "perfect tree" every year, I have to admit ... its true, I always wanted the perfect tree.

The tree we picked out was gorgeous! My husband actually chose it that year.
It was 14' tall and so full! The guy sold to us for $50.

After getting home, my husband felt bad and said the tree was worth alot more, so he jumped into his car and went back and gave the guy an extra $25 because he felt bad.My husband always believed somehow that he knew best, even when in times I ended up being right about certain things, he inevitably said “trust me on this hun, do I look like a fool?” I trusted and respected my husband. I trusted him, his intelligence and his judgementAfter he made comments about the Shamanic Healer being sadly divorced, a single mom, hat she was a little odd and   "a little - out there", my husband reasurred me that I had nothing to worry about and said she was just someone nice trying to help.

This was the last I heard of this “Shamanic Healing Practitioner”.

I noticed over time that he was piling the pills on the bureau, to me at the time, that meant he wasn’t taking them, but then again who knows how many she was giving him, all I saw were the pills on the bureau, I never seen him take any of them.

As the weeks went by, my husband’s skin was becoming extremely dry, he was constantly putting cream on his arms, his chest, hands and legs and he was drinking a ton of water, day in and day out.
He had a perpetual glass of water and a  full pitcher of water on his bedside table for when he woke in the middle of the night thirsty.

Over the next few weeks, he slowly began to become somewhat short fused or agitated about small things, but he would chalk it up to being busy and tired. He was running our business and had an additional 3rd shift job in Mass. that he worked 3 nights per week. He took the job for the added income and for health insurance for the kids.

Soon after, my husband began to talk on and off about our mortgage (which was pretty hefty because we repeatedly refinanced and took money out) and he had asked my opinion about letting the bank take the house.

He was clearly conflicted.

One day it was “no way would I sell my farm, look how long it took us to find it", then the next it was “we’ll never get out from underneath this mortgage", "we have to do something”,

then it was; "This is our family home, we can't let it go".

During this time, we began receiving “unavailable” hang up calls from a cell phone into our office. I was the office manager and took all calls. The person on the other end would inevitably hang up on me. We received these calls frequently, day and night. To help us (in many aspects) we hired an answering service to handle the calls we couldn’t. It wasn’t long before my husband then began receiving these calls into his cell phone instead.

I didn't connect the Shamanic Healer to this because my husband hadn't mentioned her and her employers office almost never called my husband for computer support, and if they did, the supervisor would call my husband or our office from her cell phone infrequently. Sometimes months would go by and we wouldn't hear anything from that office.

I began to get concerned about him being short fused and thinking about forfeiting our home because for him, this wasn’t like him and a couple of our kids and one other family member came to me and asked me if I thought that he would ever “do drugs”, because they too noticed a difference in him.

Of course I said “no, no way” and actually made them feel bad for asking such a question (not meaning to) and I never even considered the sleeping pills and allergy pills that the Shamanic Healer had been providing him that could have been the cause for this conflict, his short fuse and the severe dryness and thirst he was experiencing, when in a last minute decision (literally), he decided it would be best to let the bank take our home.

We moved shortly after to a rented home.After moving into our new home, my husband wanted to buy new dishes, new curtains, new linens, new towels etc. and start off fresh.

After Christmas and in approximately January or February of 2009 while still using ridiculous amounts of cream with an unending thirst, my husband’s voice was sounding more and more noticeably very nasally. In fact, the nasally sound in his voice could easily be heard in the voice mail message he had recorded on his cell phone. I spoke with him about it, he believed it was my imagination, and still not thinking much of it, I ignored it, believing it could have been allergies to something or the change in the weather, but also, he began sweating all the time.

He would literally wake up in a puddle of sweat. I would have to change his pillow case every single day and during the day he would often get a cold sweat while simply laying down or sitting. My husband, you have to know him, did not want to go to the doctors for it.

He was one of those men who, unless he couldn't tape his arm back on, after it fell off, just wouldn't go to the doctors for anything.

A Shamanic Healer creates a secret scheme

Then, in early April 2009, my husband began giving me his cell phone to answer for him. He told me that an employee at one of his non-profit client’s office keeps calling him and he did not want to take her calls.

He implied that for some reason (he did not elaborate) she was hounding him. I didn't think much of it, I assumed she wanted some kind of personal computer help, as sometimes ocurred, and thought my husband just didn't have the time to help her, he barely had anytime for us, I can't imagine he'd make time for a personal side job.

My husband seemed excessively tired, so much in fact that he would put off whatever work he had to do for his business clients then try and get caught up all in one day. Of course to do that, he had to initiate the help of me and the kids to be able to get the work done. It was quite chaotic, at times we would be out at clients offices until 11pm doing computer work. My husband just didn't seem to be mentally available to any of us anymore; he'd either be sleeping or working, and when he wasn't doing either, he seemed angry and short fused. I felt that my husband was so un-available to us, that one night before he left for his 3rd shift job, I said to him;

"Hun, I feel like we have all taken a second seat to your customers and the business, you don't have any time for us anymore, your so pre-occupied with everything else, sometimes I wonder if you'd even be there to protect us, Godforbid something should happen to any of us", "you don't even seem to hear me anymore"


It may sound extreme to you, but I really felt as though we were not what was important to him anymore.

My husband left for work, then sent me the following email ...

"I'm still here" "I'm not too busy to protect you guys", "yes I do listen"

click to enlarge

Being very concerned, my paranoia got the best of me and I decided to check on our  phone bills, not necessarily for a girlfriend my husband may have had, but for any numbers that appeared to be suspicious (drugs) etc. But these “unavailable” calls, every single one of them, only lasted from 8 seconds to 10 seconds and appeared to come in mostly on Wednesdays and or Fridays.

This indicated to me, as my husband previously told me, that he answered these calls but when it was a person he didn’t want to talk to, he would always find a reason to immediately end the call. My husband, despite his reluctance, had to answer “unavailable” calls that came in to his cell phone because one of his clients, which was a dental office, relied on his IT support 24/7 for their office, so he couldn’t not answer them.

In May 2009, this same employee continued to aggressively contact my husband. Because he would not take her calls, she would try at all hours to reach him. Her employer was our business client and my husband did not want to start any trouble for us or for her by complaining to her employer and instead had me answer his phone or he would simply make the conversation short and sweet and end the call.

Hind sight is 20/20. I also believe that my husband thought that if he told me at the time why she was really calling, he knew I would have flipped and probably would have lost her employer as a business client.

So instead of out right lying to me, he figured he would just not eloborate and he probably figured he had this under control himself.Then on May 19, 2009 something unbelievably sinister began to happen.My husband received a call from the employer’s non-profit office, the same office whom this woman who had been aggressively trying to reach him since April and around the time her office was closing.

The woman expressed to him that their office was experiencing major computer issues. While sitting with him, I could hear him try and walk her through the steps to take to fix the issues, as he did with much larger clients who had much bigger issues. But for some reason, she (the person on the other end) simply couldn’t fix the issue and asked my husband to go onsite to her employer’s office the next morning, on Wednesday May 20, 2009.

If you recall, I previously stated that most of the unavailable hang up cell phone calls came into my husbands cell phone and previously into our office on Wednesdays and Fridays.
At approximately 10:15am on Wednesday May 20, 2009 my husband left to go fix the alleged computer issues at her office, as he normally would do with our other business clients. I left right after he did to go run some errands, do some grocery shopping, then to pick the kids up at school.

Normally my husband would always call me on my cell phone, several times a day, every day and after school, he would call each one of our kids on their cell phones, to find out how their day went or just to talk, today he didn't. I figured he must have got busy with the "major" issue he had at the woman's office, which may have set him back for the other business clients.

Basically, I believed he was just super busy today.

I got home at approximately 2:45pm and noticed our answering machine was blinking.

I played back the message but all I could hear was someone that sounded like they were struggling to breath and talk, some gasping and some people talking in the background. I looked at the caller ID and my husband’s cell phone number repeatedly displayed, all in a row and minutes apart, no matter how many times I cycled through the caller ID.

Phone record May 20, 2009

click to enlarge

Due to the “unavailable” calls we had been getting into the office and on his cell phone, I thought it may have been a prank. I knew my husband would never call and leave a lengthy message like this. The struggled breathing lasted about 2 minutes and I thought that maybe the caller ID just didn’t record the actual caller’s phone number as happens occasionally. Besides, my husband never calls the house phone before calling our cell phones first, likewise, years of phone records would indicate that he would always call our cell phone before calling the house, because we were a busy family and rarely home during the day, additionally, he never called any of our cell phones today, which was very unusual for him.

I jotted the date and time down so when the phone bill came in, perhaps who this was, would then show up.

My husband finally got home, went into the bedroom  ... where he stayed for about two days.

He literally slept for two days. He did wake up a couple of times, asking me to fill his pitcher of water and to go to the bathroom, but other then that, he stayed in bed.I went in to check on him, he seemed ok, just extremely tired. I understood this because of running the business, his 3rd shift job and because he had been so tired all the time. So it was not that unusual for him, other then it being in the middle of the week and the fact that he stayed in bed much longer then usual.

Try to keep in mind that while the following things began to happen, I had no idea what was going on or what had happened to my husband until long afterwards.

But before I go any further, and to demonstrate the  sudden, drastic change in my husband that started after May 20, 2009 when he suffered the onset of a rapid delirium that quickly chaged all of our lives entirely and began this hellish nightmare, here are some emails that my husband sent to me and to our kids before May 20, 2009 that are good examples of his relationship to us, of which to anybody reading this, will seem to be a normal relationship between a husband and wife and father and kids and a s family "unit" ...

March 30, 2009 "Let's rent this movie, Love Dad"

April 2, 2009 "Love XXXX"

April 3, 2009 "Clear your calender, the only hint your getting is dress warmly"

Moahhhhh!

April 20, 2009 "I'm still here, I'm not too busy to protect you guys"

May 5, 2009 "Which one, One lucky winner will win :)"

May 16, 2009 "This is the big queston LOL"
"love, me"

May 17, 2009 Family vacation

June 15, 2009 "For you, Happy Anniversary"

I point these out because if you witnessed what my husband very quickly became after he was poisoned and his demeanor towards the kids and I, you would not believe it was possible.

These email serve to show he was a family man before hand, directly after and up and until today, he is unrecognizable, has no memory of our long term marriage, let alone our memories
of our family, how we met etc. He doesn't even remember the church we attended as a family
for sooooo many years and ... his memory of his mother who passed away as I mentioned earlier, when we decided to move to our farm house; also almost completely gone.

After May 20, 2009
Things for all of us changed drastically …

The Shamanic Healer, who I will now refer to as Ms. Mide for the rest of the story (see why here) gave him sleeping pills & allergy pills.

I was told by state toxicology, medical professionals and pharmacists that the pills each likely contained Scopolamine, the same nasty drug that comes from the same toxic herbs that caused my husbands rapid and severe delirium, at the hands of Ms. Mide and Mr. Jessakid Mide
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